15 hours a week

One of the basic building blocks in our marriage is spending quality time together. No TV, no distractions, just face-to-face undivided attention (usually with a cup of licorice-mint tea; it’s really quite good!). Quality time is Jessica’s main love language, and she is most happy if she gets lots of it. It’s hard to fit it into a busy schedule, but it is oh so important! Willard Harley, in his book His Needs, Her Needs, puts it this way:

If a husband seriously wants to meet his wife’s need to feel close to him, he will give the task sufficient time and attention. I tell male clients they should learn to set aside fifteen hours a week to give their wives undivided attention. Many men look at me as if they think I’m losing my mind, or they just laugh and say, “In other words, I need a thirty-six-hour day.” I don’t bat an eye, but simply ask them how much time they spent giving their wives undivided attention during their courting days. Any bachelor who fails to devote something close to fifteen hours a week to his girlfriend faces the strong likelihood of losing her. (Harley 2001: 65)

Some things are just plain worth prioritizing!


  • Harley, Willard F. 2001. [1986] His needs, her needs: Building an affair-proof marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell.

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